1. |
...For Now
01:14
|
|||
I think there’s a mistake
I can’t keep my mouth shut
I still feel my bones break
we’ve been stuck here too long.
I think we’ve been misplaced;
where are our mothers?
Let’s get out of this place,
go back where we came from.
|
||||
2. |
||||
At the bottom of the lake I found
comfort in the lack of sound
I was only misguided—
promise I was misguided.
From the corner of the room I yelled
banging on my chest to feel
Something pumping in my chest,
knuckles dig into my chest.
Sorry for the loss you felt—
sorry for the mess as well
Pity for the misguided
all of this was misguided
And I was all alone
a vagrant on my own
and I was all alone
In the corner of my mind I saw
shadows on my bedroom wall:
figures of the misguided,
holding on the misguided.
Better that I stay inside
Take my words and take my pride,
bitter me, the misguided;
better off, the misguided.
From the bottom of the lake i rise:
hanging on to your left side
Saving me, the misguided
pushing forth the misguided
My lungs were nearly giving out.
Who am I to feel let down?
a pity for the misguided
all of this was misguided
|
||||
3. |
Graves Avenue
02:59
|
|||
Photographed for the very last time
in the worst pose I’ll find
myself getting lost on my front lawn
shaking fists at my neighbors
sometimes I feel left out
Keep your distance I’m a trainwreck on fire,
a digression from the best parts you’d like,
in possession of a new way to lie—
maybe I’ll drown but this time I’ll fight.
sometimes I feel let down
Tracing circles on my skin, feel my blood thin
embrace the comfort that I feel when I’m broken
I guess it’s better to be lost and then found
than to never have been found in the first place.
Keep discussing what it means to be honest but
honestly I don’t think it’s very pertinent now
Conversations over dull topics fading—
I can’t stand it when you call me out
|
||||
4. |
North Newhall
04:15
|
|||
I’m sorry, when’s a good time to kick myself out?
‘Cause I’ve been eating all your food
And i’ve been stealing all your time
And if I’m being quite honest,
I don’t remember what is mine.
and I’m sorry
But I—
I didn’t mean to yell
I got a little worked up.
And I—
I know I know your name
I’m sorry I called you that.
But I—
I can’t help but feel like I’ve taken too much.
And I—
I don’t think you care about much at all.
I’m sorry when’s a good time to kick myself out?
‘Cause I don’t get much sleep on your couch.
And I—
I can’t keep on breathing this air,
I don’t think I can, I think I am breaking you
so i’ll go home
I’m sorry, when’s a good time to kick myself out?
I’ve taken all that’s good
you are nothing now.
You’re gone and I’m still here—
so tell me: in what world does that seem fair?
|
||||
5. |
Hollow Structures
04:44
|
|||
I awoke
in the back of your throat
to make you choke, to make it so.
If I grow
will my skin stretch far enough to fit my bones?
I hope so.
Will I go?
With state lines screaming
GPS says “Go”—
but I won’t.
I awoke with your jacket wrapped around me
but where’s your arm?
Probably where you are,
and I won’t go.
I emerge
from the water deep beneath
your floorboards.
I awoke on the rooftop—
wondering if I jump,
will you catch me?
I don’t think so
so I’ll go.
|
||||
6. |
Box For My Organs
03:40
|
|||
I’m scared of who I am
and who I’ve become in the last
year or two:
a fragile mistake meant to
cull the herds
of me.
I lost hope
In the backseat of the
first car that I drove to
the places I love
and where I swore I’d never see.
I’m growing
out of fear
that I will be too small to
live in peace
without the thought
That I would have to remember—
My body
is just a mistake:
A simple box for all my organs.
To all my closest friends—
i wish you well, I guess.
|
||||
7. |
Fairmount
03:23
|
|||
By now
you know the sun is coming out
You draw the blinds to block it out
and all you want is to fall asleep.
A heartbreak
that keeps you up throughout the night
No time to talk, no time to fight
searching for a sense of relief.
Back down
You’re never gonna drift away
You are the shore, you break the waves—
a stubborn bend at the end of the day
Dictate
Just how you’d like this to proceed.
like do you ever want to leave?
or are you held to a safe place to stay?
Pinned down
You’re never gonna fall in love
You’re never gonna find someone
and you’ll find it’s hard to breathe
Deep down
You know the worst is yet to come
or maybe not, you’re 21
you still find it’s hard to sleep with no dreams.
|
||||
8. |
||||
Amid the worst part of December
I lost a sense of where to hide.
To keep myself within the embers
‘til I can set this place on fire.
A kind of portrait of the new year,
the lack of sureness hurts my eyes
A pair of intravenous flytraps
that help my blood move every night.
so tell me when I’m safe to speak again
‘cause I don’t want to leave this
A forceful push that says you mean it
and keeps my feet pressed on the ground
If i can’t make it with my own voice
i can’t afford to leave this town
Against the backdrop of my twenties
It kills me slowly just to breathe
I’ll leave the basement feeling empty,
and stay that way until I sleep
There’s something in the way I feel now
that tells me it’s okay to lose
I’m pushing past the point of hoping—
dressing up to read the news
o tell me when I’m safe to speak again
‘cause I don’t want to leave this all behind.
|
||||
9. |
I Woke Up Laughing
02:36
|
|||
I’m sure that you’ve gone,
met such a good one
You’ve never cared so much
for anyone
It’s been too long
and i don’t feel strong,
wish I could reach in,
replace my lungs, and breathe again.
I felt distant and overwhelmed,
carrying hatred for my shell
A simple backstep from growing up so well
a means to an end;
a space to dwell.
I swear that I’m alright
I promised we’d live here forever, if you’d like—
It’s a bullshit and common lie,
but one that helps me sleep at night.
I’m scared to grow
I’m scared that you’ll always hate me
so i’ll give in,
until I give out again.
Now it’s 2 AM,
My body’s 3 hours away
and after 5 spent calls
I think I’m starting to miss me.
|
||||
10. |
...Forever
04:14
|
|||
So i’ll approach
Shameless and broke.
With no advantage, and no remorse.
I’ll encroach on your hope
without abandon, my words revoked.
I’ll approach.
I feel your head
on my shoulder again
like a phantom pain
or a powerful gaze.
I place my hands
on my sternum and press
to feel the weight of something
finally leaving my chest
To be a daring ship captain
and wear your red shirt this time
for the right occasion—
in the right mind
I’m supposed to go,
so I’ll go.
|
Streaming and Download help
If you like Barely Civil, you may also like:
Bandcamp Daily your guide to the world of Bandcamp